Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
