Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
