new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
