Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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