Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
