no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
