Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
