I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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