You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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