I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
