he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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