What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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