I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
