and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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