happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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