he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
