I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
