Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
