I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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