my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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