Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
