yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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