all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
