i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
handjob tips. give me some.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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