Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
