Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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