Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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