I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I had to cum in my sink.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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