I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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