i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we made out on top of his cat.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
