Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
