In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
