Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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