I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
