My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
