But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
