I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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