Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
