apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
