Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
