Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drunk is not a location!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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