Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
