I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
