she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
