Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
