this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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