hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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