Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
