Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
pray to the hookup gods
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
