Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
