question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
