we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
