literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
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