hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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