went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
