dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
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