guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
