My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
