Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
