You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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